just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize