we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
