nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
