did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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