you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
