I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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