shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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