It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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