I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
