you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
