so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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