She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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