i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
