I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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