AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize