Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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