so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
