i think my mom watched the whole time
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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