i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
