why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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