yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize