Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
