Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
