Me. At least after what I've been through.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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