Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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