i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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