I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
