How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
