So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
