Redeem this text for a blowjob
you win again, gameday.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
These tits shall not be calmed
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