i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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