I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize