Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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