The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
