we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
