She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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