dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
