Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
