My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
