So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I supernannyed him into submission
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
