Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
