That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
