i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
