she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
