At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
