I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
