my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
