Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
