cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
