she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
