There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
