I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
