could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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