I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
