hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
