Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
