so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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