theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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