I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
