This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
