Say something about gay babies.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize