I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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