Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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