areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
