You're completely useless in the revolution.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
