And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
