the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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