I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
