should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize