'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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