so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
