So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
