I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize