I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
