It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
there's paper in my vomit.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
